I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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