Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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