I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
