It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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