how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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