Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
