I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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