Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
