I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
