: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
