so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
