Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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