Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize