I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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