I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
