Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
