She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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