tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
only you would photoshop your dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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