So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
