Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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