I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
