Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
