You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
