so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
