Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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