This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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