You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
