I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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