so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
