Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
