if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think my moral compass just broke
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
