If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
