my vag is so smooth its legendary
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
