dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
