no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
