I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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