don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize