yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
