i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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