DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
