Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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