just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
