I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
