i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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