I've blown a few things in my day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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