i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I forget how to act sober
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
