are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize