Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
