Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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