She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
