nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
