I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
