I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I touched a dick in church today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
