Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
