I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
