This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
