Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
