that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
