Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
