Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize