my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
do nipples grow back?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
