He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
