How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
