can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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