Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
