Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
