I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize