At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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